I've been in a very long term relationship with a man (nearly thirty years!) as my partner. I'm bisexual and bi-amorous (meaning, here, open to "romantically" (and sexually) loving persons of either sex/gender. I am now in mutual love with a woman who lives on the other side of the Atlantic (!). Our love is amazing and wonderful, even if it has thus far been mediated by lots of talking and -- as yet -- no touch. It is very good talking, indeed--remarkable by any measure, and considered impossible by those who are not so "high verbal" as myself and my new-ish girlfriend.
I just don't get into ranking relationships along the primary / secondary schema. I love both of my beloveds deeply! But I live with my initial love / partner. But this does not, for me, make him my "primary".
This transition (she'll be staying my own town soonish for a long period) will obviously be challenging in various respects. But I still don't want to fall into the primary / secondary trap. Is this way of thinking familar to you, Chris?
This is all very "liminal" and I'm open to thoughts from heart, groin and belly. I'm learning on my edge!
It is, of course, called "non-hierarchical polyamory" -- the version I prefer by far, even to the point of rejecting all other versions for myself. It's an idea with several framings, as all things are. LOL.
Samantha's guess is correct. Unfortunately, we've yet to even so much as be within a thousand miles of one another physically (the actual distance is about five thousand miles). And yet we are in love with one another -- which may seem a weird thing to say to some. But it is true!
She'll be staying in my town for a few months in the near future, thank heaven! We will work out a way so that we don't have to live on two separate continents apart from one another.
I'm old and monogamous. I can't imagine any other way for me to have been. However, when I read that young people have even less sex than my generation - something is seriously wrong. I suspect it an increasing inability to form intimate relationships, likely fueled in part by social media. There may be more reasons that I don't understand. Regardless, I think people of any age should strive for intimacy first in all their relationships. Sex will follow, if appropriate, whether with one partner or multiple ones. I wouldn't have said this 20 years ago but my eyes have been opened (in part due to you, Chris) about the amazing variety of human sexual expression. As long as people don't hurt anyone in the process, including themselves, I no longer judge.
Happy August Chris. Nice little kernel of thought as I analyze my relationship(s). Relationships can be real messy stuff. Appreciate you trying to help create some order with your work. I’ll be thinking more about Infinite v. Finite game playing more.
String avoider here, so I can answer what happens to me. 1) for most of my life I thought nobody would ever want to “attach strings” to me, so I became the one avoiding them, to prevent (imaginary) rejection 2) having been single all my life, I don’t like the way people behave when they become “a couple”… the nagging, the codependency. I really don’t like how people behave when they are in a couple… like if two friends become a couple going out with them becomes less fun… they change, they don’t put the same effort into being cool and interesting people individually, so I wouldn’t want this to happen to me. (Not proud of feeling this way)
Will there be an audio version of this for the subscribers?
Just posted. Thanks for the reminder, Riku.
I've been in a very long term relationship with a man (nearly thirty years!) as my partner. I'm bisexual and bi-amorous (meaning, here, open to "romantically" (and sexually) loving persons of either sex/gender. I am now in mutual love with a woman who lives on the other side of the Atlantic (!). Our love is amazing and wonderful, even if it has thus far been mediated by lots of talking and -- as yet -- no touch. It is very good talking, indeed--remarkable by any measure, and considered impossible by those who are not so "high verbal" as myself and my new-ish girlfriend.
I just don't get into ranking relationships along the primary / secondary schema. I love both of my beloveds deeply! But I live with my initial love / partner. But this does not, for me, make him my "primary".
This transition (she'll be staying my own town soonish for a long period) will obviously be challenging in various respects. But I still don't want to fall into the primary / secondary trap. Is this way of thinking familar to you, Chris?
This is all very "liminal" and I'm open to thoughts from heart, groin and belly. I'm learning on my edge!
It is, of course, called "non-hierarchical polyamory" -- the version I prefer by far, even to the point of rejecting all other versions for myself. It's an idea with several framings, as all things are. LOL.
Can I ask you if you have met her in person already?
Samantha's guess is correct. Unfortunately, we've yet to even so much as be within a thousand miles of one another physically (the actual distance is about five thousand miles). And yet we are in love with one another -- which may seem a weird thing to say to some. But it is true!
She'll be staying in my town for a few months in the near future, thank heaven! We will work out a way so that we don't have to live on two separate continents apart from one another.
Let us know how it goes!!
He mentioned having no touch so far, so I’m guessing not, assuming that includes even a handshake or a hug.
I'm old and monogamous. I can't imagine any other way for me to have been. However, when I read that young people have even less sex than my generation - something is seriously wrong. I suspect it an increasing inability to form intimate relationships, likely fueled in part by social media. There may be more reasons that I don't understand. Regardless, I think people of any age should strive for intimacy first in all their relationships. Sex will follow, if appropriate, whether with one partner or multiple ones. I wouldn't have said this 20 years ago but my eyes have been opened (in part due to you, Chris) about the amazing variety of human sexual expression. As long as people don't hurt anyone in the process, including themselves, I no longer judge.
Happy August Chris. Nice little kernel of thought as I analyze my relationship(s). Relationships can be real messy stuff. Appreciate you trying to help create some order with your work. I’ll be thinking more about Infinite v. Finite game playing more.
String avoider here, so I can answer what happens to me. 1) for most of my life I thought nobody would ever want to “attach strings” to me, so I became the one avoiding them, to prevent (imaginary) rejection 2) having been single all my life, I don’t like the way people behave when they become “a couple”… the nagging, the codependency. I really don’t like how people behave when they are in a couple… like if two friends become a couple going out with them becomes less fun… they change, they don’t put the same effort into being cool and interesting people individually, so I wouldn’t want this to happen to me. (Not proud of feeling this way)