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William Edgar's avatar

Hey Chris, are you doing the book club this month?

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Chris Ryan's avatar

Yes. We're reading a few short stories. If you're not on the WhatsApp group, email me and I'll show you how to get on.

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Lucas's avatar

Hi Chris, I would like to join the WhatsaApp group to be part of the BC - but I couldn't figure out how to e-mail you. Can you please direct me? Thank you!

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Chris Ryan's avatar

thatchrisryan at gmail

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Nate Beard's avatar

Just heard a farmer on JRE say this... “it’s like pissin’ in your britches to stay warm.” Referring to short-sighted farming practices. Never heard that before. But pretty solid.

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Theresa's avatar

Hi Chris, hi Community,

I have a question that's been troubling me for a while now. In nearly all of my past and present relationships, I seem to be coming to the same point with my partners (all cis male): Sooner or later they will all say things like "I want you to tell me what to do", "I really like when you take over", or straight ahead "I want you to dominate me". It starts freaking me out and I don't understand this. Where does that come from? I always ask my partners why exactly they want this, and am not getting any coherent answer. Has someone an explanation? Is that just lazyness, unwillingness to take responsibility for one's own life? Is that a result of people in our civilization lost for what is the right thing to do? Or am I missing something completely here? Because I could never imagine and would never except someone telling me what to do. I tend to find a request to dominate anyone really unattractive. Any thoughts on this?

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Chris Ryan's avatar

Oscar Wilde once said, “Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.”

I'm not sure I'd agree with him 100%, but he was on to something. I think that the ebb and flow of power is an element in all relationships. The mother scolds the child and demands certain behaviors, but the child can scream in the grocery store and make the mother's day hellish. The 60 year-old studio executive makes lots of money and can decide which beautiful young actress gets to be in the movie, but the beautiful young actress has the power to make him feel young and vital again. I have trouble thinking of any relationships in which some kind of power isn't flowing.

You seem to be uncomfortable with this, and in fact wish it weren't the case. You say, "I could never imagine and would never except someone telling me what to do. I tend to find a request to dominate anyone really unattractive." But some people find comfort in being guided, and the fact that you find this unimaginable suggests that you may well come across as a very dominant being, which means you'll attract submissive beings into your life. No surprise there.

From my perspective, the problem is that you aren't acknowledging all this energy, which means you can't modify or direct it in ways that would be helpful for yourself and your partners. Just because power dynamics are acknowledged doesn't imply abuse or imbalance. Power can, and ultimately must, flow in both directions -- even though it will manifest in different ways. To understand, we must first acknowledge. To control, we must first understand.

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Theresa's avatar

I just grew a bit teary reading your reply, so I guess you are really hitting a nerve here.

It's surprising for me you are suggesting I might come across as a dominant being. I never saw myself as one, and had to think about that. Because I really try to communicate in a non-violent way, and dislike hierarchical communication myself.

To be honest, I'm growing unsure about what we both mean when using the word "dominance". I greatly appreciate what you wrote about power and power dynamics. And certainly, another person telling me, "I want to serve you", has power over me in causing me discomfort. That is undeniably there, and you are right, I need to work on accepting and acknowledging this energy.

I am also very grateful for what you wrote about power, "Just because power dynamics are acknowledged doesn't imply abuse or imbalance." I really need to learn this.

But to me dominance, and telling another person what to do, always had something to do with hierarchy and, consequently, abuse and imbalance. I just remembered a point in Civilized to Death, where you mentioned what Liedloff wrote about the Yequana people when talking about raising children: "Deciding what another person should do, no matter what his age, is outside the Yequana vocabulary of behaviors." That really resonated with me. But I assume, also for the Yequana people there was a flow of power in their society, as well as between individual's relationships. So I was trying to understand where that wish to be told what to do comes from. But maybe, like you said, "To understand, we must first acknowledge." That seems to be an important step I completely left out. (It happens to me a lot with the accepting part of any problem.)

Thanks, Chris, for clearing things up! :)

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only the goodies's avatar

olivia rants in a way sexier way than uncle chris the societal torture chaimber that is ‘youth’:

https://open.spotify.com/track/6SRsiMl7w1USE4mFqrOhHC?si=N8UyClTURb-qK3XanHIKIg

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only the goodies's avatar

*about

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Paris's avatar

Has anyone had a good “float tank” experience in the U.K.? I want to try it but I am of the perspective that not all float tank experiences are created equal...

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Javier Encinas's avatar

Hi Paris

Yes, I've been to Float Level in Manchester a number of times and they are awesome:

https://www.floatlevel.co.uk/

As you might know it helps having a decent relaxation/meditation practise before hand. The first time you go it might be a bit less powerful due to getting used to the place and getting into the swing of things but after 2-3 times it can get you to very interesting places.

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Paris's avatar

Much obliged Javier!

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Paris's avatar

Update: was an immersive experience no pun intended. No spoilers for anyone else in the thread from me here - but it’s definitely something to try 🙏

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Paris's avatar

“This that and the third” I use alot. Never researched the meaning but it basically means Etcetera. Even with that I tend to type “ETC ETC” rather than just the one “ETC”. I also use XYZ alot. “Talking Rhubarb” means talking crap. “How do you like them apples” meaning “how do you like the state of affairs now they are not in your favour?”

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Nate's avatar

In Colombia, when someone has a wedgie (in English providing us great imagery), you would say, “se me metió el perro,” which literally translates to “the dog went in me.”

If your friend has a wedgie, you could advise them to “sácate el perro,” or “take out the dog.”

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Nate's avatar

There’s not really a direct translation, but according SpanishDictionary.com, “se me metió el perro” could also translate to “the dog got me.”

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Chris Ryan's avatar

BTW, here's an article from the New York Times about Crestone. It's a free article, so no paywall.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/18/us/colorado-funeral-pyre.html?unlocked_article_code=1.8Ew.3eFM._uwAWfZ0YE2V&smid=url-share

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NoahDeer's avatar

Australia, and Britain I believe, “we’re not here to duck spiders.”

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Alias Maximus's avatar

I always wondered where "Its colder than a witches titty...'' came from. apparently its even colder when it's in a brass bra or a tin can"

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Erika's avatar

The women of maine have also wondered. A lovely woman I know leads a winter womens swim group called Cold Tits <3 Idk if true, but I heard that witches were accused of having animal familiars that suckled from a witches teat - that didnt have milk but blood. When they persecuted these women they'd search for witches marks and such by stripping them publicly...

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Nate Woodhull's avatar

When I was studying in southern Spain, my local friend Carlos and I had many memorable exchanges about slang from our respective cultures. At one point he asked me:

"So it is bad to be 'Shit,' and it is bad to be 'Ain't Shit,' but it is good to be 'The Shit?'"

I worked in kitchens and on farms for years with mostly men from Mexico/Central America and whenever someone sneezed the response was, "Sancho," followed by laughter. I was told it basically means "some guy is in your bed having sex with your wife/girlfriend." I reckon the sneeze is how Sancho gets caught if you come home early and he is hiding in your closet.

The English phrase, "eat your heart out" has always intrigued me...

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Jason Collier's avatar

Not necessarily weird, but fun, in my native tongue of..."country"...phrases that you will hear from me from time to time:

"It's hotter than two rats fuckin' in a wool sock" - It's hot (self explanatory)

"Kentucky Windage" - A reference to a guy being able to shoot something from far away without any kind of scope, etc, because they understand the travel of the bullet, arc, conditions, etc. An old-school rifle master. I use it in business - "When will that deal close? Eh, if I were to Kentucky Windage it, I'd say two weeks from now, give or take a couple of days."

"That's the cat's ass!" - Something that's really good, cool, groovy, etc. Zero idea where this comes from.

"Pucker Factor" - Another ass-related saying...anything that causes you or someone else to take something seriously, shut up, etc. As in: "That dude walked in and everyone shut up...serious pucker factor."

"Good Kit" - Anyone from the military will understand what "Good Kit" is, and that can be from whatever your personal setup is on your armor/vest/rifle to the kitchen with proper knives and utensils.

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Rob Blau's avatar

Shoot the shit appears to be a variation of shoot the breeze. Both of these expressions mean “to chat idly just to pass the time.” A form of shoot the breeze is recorded in a poem written during World War I by a US private, who described his corporals as sociable men who were much better at “breeze-shooting” than fighting or doing actual work. It doesn’t require much skill or effort to hit the wind with a gun, so the expression goes.

Shoot the shit emerges in the 1940s, notably found in a letter by the author Norman Mailer. The shit, here, may be a more intensive and alliterative substitute for breeze, with shit meaning “stuff,” i.e., any old topic. Ever the shit-talker, the character Holden Caulfield used a milder take on the expression, shoot the crap, in J.D. Salinger’s 1951 The Catcher in the Rye.

<https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/shoot-the-shit/#>

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Eric Barrette's avatar

Hello! So when I was hanging with my French friends we somehow were talking about are preferences on our partner's pubic landscape and in English we just say shaved but in french they say "sure la cuir" which translates to 'on the leather' and we got a chuckle out of it!

Some funny translations to them also!

Anyone else find that between two languages!?

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Quentin Thomas's avatar

Hey Chris and fellow tangentialists. Loved reading the different phrases from your native language. Just wanted to give a quick rec for a new podcast I can't stop listening to. Rick Rubin has a new pod called "Tetragrammaton." It's similar to the "Broken Record" pod be does but this one goes even deeper as the episodes are much longer. He's had on interesting guests like Tom Hanks, Will Smith, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Whitney Cummings. Highly recommend giving it a listen 🤙

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gringojason's avatar

This looks amazing. Thank you for sharing.

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David McClamroch's avatar

“Bless your heart” is a disgustingly sweet insult by a southerner to let you know they disagree with your opinion.

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JedB's avatar

On the 1st of a month there is a UK school-yard tradition (in some places at least), of catching a mate first with the words, and gentle actions of; "A pinch and a punch on the the first of the month", generally delivered on the arm. The mate would then be flat footed and try and get even next month!

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Dawn's avatar

In Eastern Canada, you sometimes hear the phrase "fill your boots" i.e. "Sure, have as much as you want". I just looked it up and there are a few theories about its origin. Since we are on the ocean, I'm going with sailors filling their boots with rum for drinking!

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Matt Neal's avatar

Instead of a polite response like "I dont know" when you simply, do not know. In Australia we've added some profanities. We say "fucks me" or "fucked if I know"

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NoahDeer's avatar

Call mates cunt and cunts mate. We really are topsy turvy land aren’t we haha

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Dane's avatar

Not my native tongue really but I have always liked the Australian phrase “We don’t fuck with spiders” indicating a subject that should not be breached.

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Matt Neal's avatar

I think the phrase you're referring to is "not here to fuck spiders". inferring you're here for one thing and one thing only.

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joseph.omid's avatar

Chris (and all), what do you think of the below article on monogamy from Scientific America? It has been so many years since I read Sex at Dawn that I was struggling to make an argument to my friend who posed this piece to me.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/our-secret-evolutionary-weapon-monogamy/

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Chris Ryan's avatar

I think it's a garbage article, that argues backwards from its conclusions. For example, "We now know that the first hominins, which emerged more than seven million years ago, might have been monogamous." We KNOW that they MIGHT have been monogamous? What the hell does that mean? I know that there may be aliens living in my freezer.

Don't get me started on this kind of thing....

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Chris Ryan's avatar

Here's a strange one: In the US, people will often say, "I could care less," about something they really don't care about. What they MEAN is, "I couldn't care less," but the negative got lost somewhere, so they're essentially saying the opposite of what they think they're saying!

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Felix's avatar

In Germany we say: „Geh dahin wo der Pfeffer wächst!“

The literal translation would be: „Go to where the pepper is growing!“

It refers to India, which used to be the place that was considered to be the end of the known world, during the time the saying was created.

You say that when you wish someone to go far away and not come back. If you’re arguing for example.

Not very productive, I know.

Another funny expression is: „doppelt gemoppelt“, which refers to something being expressed twice, in a redundant way.

„I myself“ would be an expression which is „doppelt gemoppelt“.

Have fun!

Greets from Hamburg

Felix

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Felix's avatar

Pleonasms would also be doppelt gemoppelt, lol

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Andreas H.'s avatar

What is pussy footing? Confused, too.

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Andy's avatar

“Pussy footing” is is moving carefully, as a cat does, around a potential minefield. As in “I really had to pussy foot around that subject with my mother-in-law.”

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Andreas H.'s avatar

Thank you

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Javier Encinas's avatar

Beating around the bush, kinda.

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Andreas H.'s avatar

If I only knew the meaning of this expression.

But never mind. I will STFW.

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Paris's avatar

Beating around the bush is when you are engaging in a conversation with someone and you choose to hint at what you want to say rather than directly addressing an issue

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Isotta Cobianco's avatar

Don’t know current Italian slang because I left a long time ago, but have a some forty-something male friends from Rome who, to say that someone/something is obnoxious, would use the expression “they are a finger in the ass” (“un dito ar culo” in roman dialect). Which always leads me to ask “are you sure you wouldn’t like a finger up your ass? Have you ever tried?” or, when I am in my pro-finger activist mode, to cry “stop criticizing fingers in the ass!!”

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Javier Encinas's avatar

That's a funny one cause in Spain we have "como anillo al dedo" for something that works or goes exactly the way we wanted but somehow it got twisted into saying "como dedo al culo" by many people with the same positive meaning.

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Isotta Cobianco's avatar

How interesting! I live in Perú and I’m ALMOST sure that no straight man would consider “como dedo al culo” as something positive... will ask around though (about what they think of the saying... I already know for sure they are not open to the act jajaja)

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Andreas H.'s avatar

I don't know much about Peruvians but I have heard of men enjoying prostate massage which would make it something positive, doesn't it?

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Isotta Cobianco's avatar

Still haven’t met anyone who enjoys it here... but will keep looking!!

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Javier Encinas's avatar

People say it mostly in a jokey way and obviously that's in Spain, I doubt that would be used in Peru when there are so many differences with the language between them, but you can try!

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Juan Baez's avatar

In Puerto Rico we say "Se fue con los Panchos" (he/she/it went with the Panchos) when someone dies or when something is no more. When hearing me saying it, most Americans ask, "and who is this Panchos?"

I loved when you mentioned what they say in Spain (a few eps ago), "Me cago en la madre...). We got that from them and we kind of use it for anything. Spanish people seem love to shit on a lot of things, and they passed that tradition to us to add some Caribbean flavor. lol

- Did it hurt? "Me cago en la madre del diablo!" (I shit on the Devil's mom).

- Did you have a really bad experience? "Me cago en la crica de Marta!". (I shit on Martha's pussy)

- Was it something good? "Me cago en la madre, que rico!" (I shit on the mom, it was sooo good!).

Looking forward to read other cool and weird expressions. Thanks for sharing. Saludos!

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Rod Miller's avatar

Shoot the shit has a ring because of alliteration, obviously. It's low-intellectual-value casual chitchat that's just fun to do.

Hmmm, there are so many weird expressions ("pussy-footing" seems very clear to me). They're just hard to summon on cue.

Plenty of expressions are used in a misunderstood way. "Cut & run", for example, supposedly cowardly. But it comes from cutting your anchor chain in an emergency — an eminently sane move.

A weird one in French is to "drown the fish", meaning (as far as I can make out) to puff out a smokescreen of irrelevant detail so as to avoid dealing directly with a touchy subject. God knows what its origin is.

I just read "A propos of nothing", Woody Allen's autobiography. Was never a Huge fan of his, but like some of his stuff & recognize his stunning range of talents. He's admirably modest about his success in a search-me sort of way.

Inevitably the Mia Farrow business is given significant space. It really shows what herd animals humans are, how averse we are to the facts when our emotions dictate something else.

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Nic's avatar

Ha! growing up when playing rock, paper scissors, we used to say; ching, chong cha! I used this expression with my students, 11 year olds ( many of them being Korean) and was told I was racist. It was more funny, no one was offended, but it was an interesting situation to be in. My dad used to say " Bite the bullet" alot. referring to having to do something I don't like.

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Rod Miller's avatar

More alliteration. Bite the bullet apparently comes from old-fashioned war surgery when they supposedly placed a bullet between someone's teeth prior to operating without anaesthetic. Wouldn't a bullet be a risky thing to put in someone's mouth?

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Nic's avatar

I would think so yeah. Can't be good for the teeth either. It would appear all memorable sayings have some form of rhyming ;)

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