I absolutely love this. Reading your writing along with the added dialogue that naturally occurs when the writer reads his or her words out loud. Which is how I learned to write when I thought that was a skill I would never have.
I liked this mini-ROMA. It\s nice to listen to your thoughts. I like the way you do things, when you are on the mood, doesn\t matter if is 1 time a month or 100 times a month. I liked just because of that. I am a paid subscriber, and I pay because I get many cool things from your mind, make me a better person and is also a very good entertaiment. You are clever and funny, and my payment is just a way to say thanks and to keep you doing it. Thanks Chris!
I always find your well considered wisdom and ,invariably interesting guests, the most worthwhile priority listening .....more so than the many others competing for for my time and attention ......keep it all coming ......
Hi Chris, I enjoy listening to audio more than reading articles, so I would definitely be interested in more audio posts like this from you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
About that question at the end, whether to provide more content or not and if we would get annoyed by to many emails: one could always unsubscribe from your emails and just visit your website checking out what's new.
The other thing what comes to my mind is, that knowing you (or at least your podcast persona) for over 10 years now, I would guess that you are not functioning on the basis of considerations of how much should or shouldn't be provided. Isn't it more like that you create stuff when you feel like sharing something? Perhaps sometimes kicking yourself in the ass when the pause between releases have been too long?
Would a thought like "I should produce more because people expect it" really lead to more content in the long run, even if people voted for it? I honestly doubt it. And even if there would be more output, I doubt that it would be of the same quality, because a lot of the quality comes from the charme of your laissez-faire approach.
During all those years of listening I heard you asking similar questions or expressing similar thoughts several times, oftentimes out of concern if it all is sufficient enough for us listeners. Nonetheless I personally never recognized any noticeable change later: on average it's been one weekly episode with an essay every now and then since you are on substack.
I'd be totally fine if it'll stay the ways it is and always has been. You will provide whenever you're up to it and gladly it was always enough (for me).
the point about non monogamy not being a "superior relationship style" made me pause. Because to me by-default monogamy is basically relationship capitalism, and there's very little freedom in it. Mostly it's built on shame, anti-women ideals, jealousy, dishonesty. There seems to me that polyamorous values are "better"? for lack of a better term. I agree that chosen monogamy practiced in a healthy way is not inferior in any way, but toxic, by-default monogamy is definitely nothing to aspire to. (and I live in Austin hahahah I don't drink coffee though)
I agree, but "by default" ENM isn't necessarily great either. I guess the point I want to make is that what consenting adults choose to do is their business. One could make the argument that BDSM is inferior because it leverages (or can leverage) shame, lack of freedom, etc. I know wonderful people who have chosen sexual monogamy and they have fantastic relationships. No anti-woman/man ideals, jealousy or dishonesty. It's just how they want to live their lives and configure their relationship. I know wonderful Christians who are as far from the child-abusing, anti-gay bigots in the Vatican as I am. I don't feel justified in judging them just because their belief system seems non-sensical to me. For them, it works, and that's ultimately what matters. (By the way, I expect the same non-judgmental respect from them.)
Absolutely there's grey areas in everything and no one size fits all and we shouldn't speak in absolutes. "Honesty is the path"
One thing I wanted to add about your points (this is by far my favorite topic to discuss) is that you mentioned people who say they are non-monogamous yet do not disclose it to their partner. That is just someone fucking around/dating around and lying about it. That person shouldn't call themselves non-monogamous ever. As you said, there is an implied imperative to honesty, consent and even collaboration when someone defines themselves as poly/non monogamous. I can't believe the logic on some people lol
It's funny in your title you say "a few things ENM is not" and live you said "a few things non-monogamy is not". I personally really loathe the term ENM, which as I am sure you know, implies that non-monogamy is inherently non-ethical. Wondering if you have any opinion about that or if the terms are interchangeable for you? :)
Yes I like it! Easier for me to listen while working than read which I never get round to doing in my free time. More audio always preferable please, for me at least.
Enjoyed listening to your musings. It is nice to hear extra thoughts! I read a lot of Substack and really enjoy it, but I also like to listen sometimes too.
I’m all for any form of rambling you choose to offer us, Chris. And certainly appreciate this post, as someone who was recently in what we would call an unethically non-monogamous relationship
I absolutely love this. Reading your writing along with the added dialogue that naturally occurs when the writer reads his or her words out loud. Which is how I learned to write when I thought that was a skill I would never have.
This is great! Keep doing this!
I liked this mini-ROMA. It\s nice to listen to your thoughts. I like the way you do things, when you are on the mood, doesn\t matter if is 1 time a month or 100 times a month. I liked just because of that. I am a paid subscriber, and I pay because I get many cool things from your mind, make me a better person and is also a very good entertaiment. You are clever and funny, and my payment is just a way to say thanks and to keep you doing it. Thanks Chris!
That was great with my morning coffee. Keep them coming please!
I always find your well considered wisdom and ,invariably interesting guests, the most worthwhile priority listening .....more so than the many others competing for for my time and attention ......keep it all coming ......
Hi Chris, I enjoy listening to audio more than reading articles, so I would definitely be interested in more audio posts like this from you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
About that question at the end, whether to provide more content or not and if we would get annoyed by to many emails: one could always unsubscribe from your emails and just visit your website checking out what's new.
The other thing what comes to my mind is, that knowing you (or at least your podcast persona) for over 10 years now, I would guess that you are not functioning on the basis of considerations of how much should or shouldn't be provided. Isn't it more like that you create stuff when you feel like sharing something? Perhaps sometimes kicking yourself in the ass when the pause between releases have been too long?
Would a thought like "I should produce more because people expect it" really lead to more content in the long run, even if people voted for it? I honestly doubt it. And even if there would be more output, I doubt that it would be of the same quality, because a lot of the quality comes from the charme of your laissez-faire approach.
During all those years of listening I heard you asking similar questions or expressing similar thoughts several times, oftentimes out of concern if it all is sufficient enough for us listeners. Nonetheless I personally never recognized any noticeable change later: on average it's been one weekly episode with an essay every now and then since you are on substack.
I'd be totally fine if it'll stay the ways it is and always has been. You will provide whenever you're up to it and gladly it was always enough (for me).
You know me so well, Andreas. Maybe too well!
Spot on !
the point about non monogamy not being a "superior relationship style" made me pause. Because to me by-default monogamy is basically relationship capitalism, and there's very little freedom in it. Mostly it's built on shame, anti-women ideals, jealousy, dishonesty. There seems to me that polyamorous values are "better"? for lack of a better term. I agree that chosen monogamy practiced in a healthy way is not inferior in any way, but toxic, by-default monogamy is definitely nothing to aspire to. (and I live in Austin hahahah I don't drink coffee though)
I agree, but "by default" ENM isn't necessarily great either. I guess the point I want to make is that what consenting adults choose to do is their business. One could make the argument that BDSM is inferior because it leverages (or can leverage) shame, lack of freedom, etc. I know wonderful people who have chosen sexual monogamy and they have fantastic relationships. No anti-woman/man ideals, jealousy or dishonesty. It's just how they want to live their lives and configure their relationship. I know wonderful Christians who are as far from the child-abusing, anti-gay bigots in the Vatican as I am. I don't feel justified in judging them just because their belief system seems non-sensical to me. For them, it works, and that's ultimately what matters. (By the way, I expect the same non-judgmental respect from them.)
Absolutely there's grey areas in everything and no one size fits all and we shouldn't speak in absolutes. "Honesty is the path"
One thing I wanted to add about your points (this is by far my favorite topic to discuss) is that you mentioned people who say they are non-monogamous yet do not disclose it to their partner. That is just someone fucking around/dating around and lying about it. That person shouldn't call themselves non-monogamous ever. As you said, there is an implied imperative to honesty, consent and even collaboration when someone defines themselves as poly/non monogamous. I can't believe the logic on some people lol
If people are paying you, they want to hear from you.
Right on target all the way through.
It's funny in your title you say "a few things ENM is not" and live you said "a few things non-monogamy is not". I personally really loathe the term ENM, which as I am sure you know, implies that non-monogamy is inherently non-ethical. Wondering if you have any opinion about that or if the terms are interchangeable for you? :)
Of course you address this later on in the commentary hahaha bye lol
Yes I like it! Easier for me to listen while working than read which I never get round to doing in my free time. More audio always preferable please, for me at least.
Enjoyed listening to your musings. It is nice to hear extra thoughts! I read a lot of Substack and really enjoy it, but I also like to listen sometimes too.
I'm with Martin - ramble away as you see fit. 🙂 I always welcome your thoughts and musings.
I’m all for any form of rambling you choose to offer us, Chris. And certainly appreciate this post, as someone who was recently in what we would call an unethically non-monogamous relationship