What We Fall in When We Fall in Love

Thoughts on what love demands: nothing.

“Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being ‘in love’ which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away...”

—Louis de Bernières, Correlli's Mandolin

I've reluctantly come to the conclusion that “falling in love,” may be close to the opposite of actually loving. “Falling in love” is, if we dare to look at it clearly, a potent cocktail of narcissism and desperation. I need you!. You complete me. My life would be meaningless without you.

I. Me. My.

But actual “loving” isn’t about the loving one, it’s about the beloved. Object over subject. Love does not demand, it offers. It’s a recognition, not a request. Beware anyone whose love comes with demands and conditions. That’s not love they’re offering you.