Sexual Monogamy vs Libido

An inconvenient truth: human beings are erotic omnivores.

The problem of flagging libido is not anyone’s fault. For most people in long-term sexually monogamous relationships, a decrease in libido has everything to do with biology and hormones and would be the same regardless of the particular partner.

You want an inconvenient truth? Try this one: human beings (particularly men) are clearly evolved for sex lives featuring multiple simultaneous sexual relationships — or at least the possibility of such relationships. (Women are also attracted to erotic novelty, but their response appears to be more subtle and contextual than men’s, and thus somewhat easier to suppress.)

Our species has evolved to be attracted to sexual novelty and to gradually lose sexual attraction to the same partner in the absence of such novelty. The so-called Coolidge Effect is well demonstrated in social mammals of all sorts and is old news to anyone knowledgeable about reproductive biology.

The evolutionary mismatch between our evolved appetites and the dictates of contemporary society is nobody’s fault, and doesn’t imply any particular response is “better” than any other. It doesn’t mean that monogamy is wrong, or less enlightened. It just means that it’s difficult for our species, for reasons that are obvious once you understand the evolutionary origins of Homo sapiens.