A Few of the Many Ways I Wish I Were Cooler

(Part I of a never-ending list.)

This got me out of a speeding ticket. The cop laughed out loud when he saw it.

Occasionally, when I was doing interviews for Sex at Dawn or Civilized to Death, I’d get the following question: “What evidence could convince you that your central thesis is incorrect?”

This is a really good question, and one I think we should ask ourselves regularly. “Are my conclusions falsifiable?” If not, then we’re not dealing with rationality, but with something closer to “faith,” “bias,” or “lunacy.” Or maybe “taste.”

Lunacy or not, there are things about my approach to life that simply are as they are, despite my wishing they weren’t — ways I wish I were cooler.

Even if I don’t think there’s any hope of changing these things, I try to put some effort into at least identifying them so I won’t mistake them for a rational, justifiable conclusion. I’d invite you to do the same. To get you started, I’ll show you a few of mine:

• I wish I could grow facial hair without looking like an insane policeman (see photo above).

• I’m a finicky eater, which is weird, given the amount of time I’ve spent in places where one eats what’s available. I’ve eaten crickets, worms, flying ants, and at least part of two puppies, but I can’t say I enjoyed any of it — except the puppies — but I didn’t know I was eating them until later. I wish I were Bourdainesque in being a culinary adventurer, but I’m not. I like spicy foods, but I get grossed out by chicken skin (I’d rather eat dirt than chicken wings), fat (except on Spanish ham — and that took some doing), organ meat, rare steak, sushi, crackling, pig’s feet, blood pudding, and a host of other totally wonderful (to other people) foods.